Friday, March 04, 2005


As most of you know, it's been my longstanding goal to create a breed of half-man/half-chimp creatures called chumans. Since chimps and humans are more than 99% identical genetically -- closer than horses and donkeys or lions and tigers, both of which have been bred successfully -- I figure it won't take any fancy science, just willing participants.

But now I'm concerned that this latest news may not help my efforts. Apparently these chimps in Bakersfield went berserk and ripped off a guy's face and mauled his testicles (interesting how a lot of the stories only mention the testicle thing at the bottom -- talk about burying the lead!).

In light of this, fewer human women may be willing to breed with a chimp. And on another sad note, it looks like they've already shot and killed the offending chips. Is that fair? I feel like if they're 99% human, they should get 99% of our legal protections. (But then, I'm not quite sure what 1% of rights we should withhold -- perhaps the right to vote?)