Sunday, June 30, 2013

Fellow Airline Passengers, Meet Your Adversaries

We took our first flight with all three kids today, and it went reasonably well. (It was nowhere near as bad as the Portland trip in 2010 — when, ironically, we only had one child.)

But when you have a family of five, you have to do more strategizing about where to seat everyone. Would that stranger coming down the aisle rather sit next to a screaming baby, a rambunctious toddler or a seat-kicking preschooler? (I really did my best, but putting a 4-year-old within kicking distance of a seat back is like putting a drug addict in front of a whole bunch of crack.)

Really, there are no good answers. All of our children have the potential to be terrible seatmates, with their own unique techniques for annoying you. Apologies in advance if you're ever seated in our row.

THE 4-YEAR-OLD

Tactics: Tray-table flipping. Will ask you to explain every picture on the aircraft safety card.


Weaknesses: Temporarily distracted by the pet section of SkyMall catalog.





THE TODDLER


Tactics: Whining, wriggling, shrieking.


Weaknesses: iPad, cheddar bunny crackers.








THE BABY

Tactics: Screaming, pooping, hair pulling.


Weaknesses: Peek-a-boo.








Choose your opponent wisely.