Monday, May 28, 2012

Eight Questions for New Yorkers

Being a newcomer to New York, I'm often unsure about local mores and customs. So I'm hoping someone can set me straight by answering these important queries.

1. Am I allowed to get the New Yorker magazine now that I'm in New York? Or is it only for snotty Californians?

2. Is it still cool to call Brooklyn "Crooklyn"?

3. When is it appropriate to tell people that I'm "dropping some NYC"?

4. What the heck are these giant nitrogen tanks doing on the street?

5. Is this joke lame? "I figured I could afford an apartment in the Upper East Side if it was in the Nineties. Then I realized it would have to be the 1990s."

6. Or this: (at subway station for Hunter College) "This is my stop. I'm getting a bachelor's degree in pheasant decoys."

7. How many i's do I have to include in "West Siiiiiiide" for it to be clear that I'm referring to the West Coast and not the the neighborhood?

8. And finally, when someone says they went to Colombia and you can't check the spelling, is it safe to assume they don't mean this?

Thanks for your assistance.