Monday, November 30, 2009

Bombdizzle Alert: Climbing the Bridge

I was in Atlanta last week, so I missed this until now: Apparently they're looking into the idea of having tours on the catwalks of the Golden Gate Bridge, and they may eventually allow people to scale the suspension cables.

My response to this idea: That sounds awesome! Kelly's response: That sounds unsafe.

But as visitors to Sydney know, they've been doing this on the Harbour Bridge for 20 years.

We didn't try it ourselves, but you can see the climbers over my shoulder in this shot, taken during our visit to Sydney last year.

Here's a close-up.

The Sydney bridge is less steep and less tall, so that may make it less precarious to climb. On the other hand, Australians are more likely to be drunk. So maybe it's a wash.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Holy Crap: This CAN Really Happen!

Remember earlier this year when my dentist couldn't figure out what happened to my wisdom teeth and I blamed a human-ivory harvester?

Well, it's no joke anymore! A woman apparently got her front teeth stolen right out of her mouth, and it happened here in San Francisco.

From today's Chronicle:
Elena Aronson says she was riding a Muni bus to work back on April 6 on Van Ness Avenue when a man sitting next to her fixed his gaze on her teeth, and said, "I want them."

"He kept saying how my teeth were beautiful, like the moon and the stars," she recalled.

Aronson, who grew up riding buses on the South Side of Chicago and later in New York, had never encountered anything quite like it. She decided to make a quick exit.

The next thing Aronson recalls is being on her knees outside the bus, bleeding profusely from her torn lip — with her two upper front teeth missing.

The police haven't been able to find the assailant. And in fact, they don't sound totally convinced about her story. "She thinks this is what happened to her, but we can't really go to court based on what she thinks happened," the SFPD investigator says.

The best part has to be the police sketch they released (notice his missing teeth).

Hey, at least he wasn't missing an ear!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Safety in Numbers

I was interested to see this new list of the country's 15 safest cities.

There aren't any major cities on the surprise, I guess. But what is interesting is that the three most populous states (California, Texas and New York) accounted for about three-quarters of the cities:

1. Colonie, N.Y.
2. Amherst, N.Y.
3. Mission Viejo, Calif.
4. Irvine, Calif.
5. Rampono, N.Y.
6. Newton, Mass.
7. Clarkstown, N.Y.
8. Brick Township, N.J.
9. Allen, Texas
10. Lake Forest, Calif.
11. Sugar Land, Texas
12. Thousand Oaks, Calif.
13. Chino Hills, Calif.
14. O'Fallon, Mo.
15. Centennial, Colo.

The message here is pretty clear: Smaller cities have less crime, but you don't want to get too far from population centers or you risk getting assaulted by banjo-playing hillbillies.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Anyone See My Secret Love-Child?

Romance novels spotted in the checkout aisle of an Atlanta-area Publix (photos by Kelly):

Seems like a lot of work just to get revenge.

Doesn't look so innocent to me.

Being merely a millionaire, he couldn't afford a bride of innocence.

I really hope that's not Dante's love-child in the picture.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

BuboBlog Quiz: AC/DC Versus Spinal Tap

I noticed that AC/DC came out with a new boxed set this month. Looking at all the tracks they've recorded, I wonder if the names of their songs are any less ridiculous than those of Spinal Tap (which, unlike AC/DC, is supposed to be fictitious).

Think you can tell the difference? Try this quiz.

Which song is an AC/DC track and which is from Spinal Tap?

Name the artist:
1. "Love Bomb"
2. "Hell Hole"
3. "SEXX!"
4. "Beating Around the Bush"
5. "Caught With Your Pants Down"
6. "Silent But Deadly"
7. "Mistress for Christmas"
8. "Ballbreaker"
9. "Big Bottom"
10. "Bent for the Rent"
11. "Got You by the Balls"
12. "Deep in the Hole"
13. "Clam Caravan"
14. "Givin' the Dog a Bone"
15. "Lusty Lorry"
16. "Whole Lotta Rosie"
17. "Swallow My Love"
18. "Nice 'n' Stinky"
19. "Heavy Duty"
20. "Up to My Neck in You"
21. "Big Balls"
22. "She's Got Balls"
23. "Bitch School"
24. "Soul Stripper"
25. "Sex Farm"

ANSWERS: (1.) AC/DC (2.) Spinal Tap (3.) Spinal Tap (4.) AC/DC (5.) AC/DC (6.) Spinal Tap (7.) AC/DC (8.) AC/DC (9.) Spinal Tap (10.) Spinal Tap (11.) AC/DC (12.) AC/DC (13.) Spinal Tap (14.) AC/DC (15.) Spinal Tap (16.) AC/DC (17.) Spinal Tap (18.) Spinal Tap (19.) Spinal Tap (20.) AC/DC (21.) AC/DC (22.) AC/DC (23.) Spinal Tap (24.) AC/DC (25.) Spinal Tap.

Score: 1-5 correct: When did you escape North Korea?
6-19 correct: Not bad.
20-25 correct: You must be a 15-year-old boy, circa 1988.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Alert the Air Marshall

I'm pretty sure eating your safety-instruction card is a violation of FAA regulations.

Elliot is already getting a bit big to be a "carry-in-arms" passenger.

Hard to believe it's legal until he's 2 years old. That means we'll be terrorizing fellow passengers in three-to-a-row seating arrangements for eight more months!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

No Guarantees in This Neighborhood

It seems risky for a tour-bus company called "Quality Assurance Travel" to stop at Seventh and Folsom.

Unless their criteria for quality travel includes getting hit in the face with a shoe.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Boy Separated From Dad on Train Platform

Elliot may have violated "federal law" on Muni, but at least this has never happened to us.

A malfunctioning door on a light rail train separated a 3-year-old boy from his father earlier this week in southeast Portland.

Aaron Bailey and his son were separated Monday at 8:13 a.m. at the Southeast Main Street station.

Surveillance video from TriMet, Portland's transit agency, showed the boy stepping off the train as he pushed the accessible ramp button on the door. This caused the door to open and then close again to deploy the ramp.

The door didn't reopen. A woman standing on TriMet's MAX platform pressed a button on the outside of the door but the door didn't open. Bailey was also pushing the door button from the inside of the train, but to no avail.

The woman on the MAX platform stayed with the child until Bailey returned on a southbound train from Gateway. The video showed Bailey running into the picture seven minutes after they were separated.

I like any story that makes Muni look better by comparison.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Pour Out a Little Liquor Cheerios

Elliot's daycare provider has a dog, which means Elliot is used to spending most of his waking moments with a frisky little canine around.

At home, Elliot tries to feed the dog by dropping half his food on the floor. The problem is: We don't have a dog — just a really dirty floor.

Or maybe he's following the advice of 2Pac by sharing his Cheerios and string cheese with fallen homies.

Fortunately, he also feeds humans.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Enjoy Rejects From Other Blogs Here

Remember when I wanted to start a blog devoted to misused division signs? Well, that hasn't really gotten off the ground yet, due to a lack of material.

But I did recently submit an item to the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

They passed on the submission, so I decided to use it myself (below).

My proposed caption: "Six months in Iraq."

UPDATE: I spoke too soon. They are going to run the item (they must have really long backlog).

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Manifest Destiny

The world is mine!

...or, more precisely, a map with quarters from all 50 states (plus Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C.).

Hawaii was an elusive mistress, I'll tell you that much, sirs. (Fortunately, Kelly came to the rescue and found one.)

I guess I'm still missing the territories (Guam, American Samoa, the U.S. Virgin Islands and the Northern Mariana Islands), but let's not let that sully my accomplishment.

Note: No Titans Actually Clashed in the Making of this Film

I have been remiss in posting the trailer to the new "Clash of the Titans" movie. It's pretty kick-ass.

I have to stay on top of "Clash of the Titans" news, because I've been identified on a Czech Web site as a source of information on the topic:
Někdo si dokonce založil blog o Bubovi

(I couldn't really understand anything on this site, but I did learn that the Czech word for "remake" is "remake.")

I would hate to think of Czech movie fans coming to my site and finding nothing but updates on my state quarter collection and pleas for chuman research (though frankly, there has to be a lot of overlap between Czech "Clash of the Titans" fans and people interested in chuman experiments).

Anyway, back to the new trailer: I like the slogan they're using now ("Titans will clash!")...though once again I have to point out that there are no Titan characters in "Clash of the Titans."

From Wikipedia:
The Titans were associated with various primal concepts, some of which are simply extrapolated from their names: ocean and fruitful earth, sun and moon, memory and natural law. The twelve first-generation Titans were ruled by the youngest, Cronus (Saturn), who overthrew their father, Oranos ('Sky'), at the urgings of their mother, Gaia ('Earth').

Several Titans produced offspring who are also known as "Titans." These second-generation Titans include the children of Hyperion (Helios, Eos, and Selene), the daughters of Coeus (Leto and Asteria), and the sons of Iapetus (Prometheus, Epimetheus, Atlas, and Menoetius).

The Titans preceded the Twelve Olympians, who, led by Zeus, eventually overthrew them in the Titanomachy ('War of the Titans'). The Titans were then imprisoned in Tartarus, the deepest part of the underworld, with a few exceptions, most being those who did not fight against Zeus.

Now that sounds like a good movie! And no mention of any giant scorpions.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The City of Brotherly Handguns

There's a new cheese steak shop in Alameda that's REALLY good. The steaks are some of the best I've had outside of the 215 area code, and the place is authentic: It's run by a guy who seems straight out of South Philly. (His entire family works there too — including small children answering the telephone.)

But I wonder about this aesthetic choice in his sign (pictured below). Are handguns really a nationally recognized symbol for Philadelphia?

I could see someone from Chicago trying to play up that city's gangster heritage. But with Philly, guns just make me think of muggings and drug deals gone bad.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Burger King of Universities

Berkeley is crowing about a new ranking of the world's universities that puts Cal at No. 3 (after Harvard and Stanfurd).

The list, compiled by the Institute of Higher Education at Shanghai Jiao Tong University, makes some bold choices. For instance, Dartmouth wasn't even in the top 100 — well below such schools as Boston University and the University of Utah. But really, is Dartmouth even accredited these days?

It sounds like the rankings gave extra points for appearing in academic journals and winning awards, such as Nobel Prizes. That gave a boost to Cal, which has 21 Nobels.

I know what you're probably thinking: "Nick, these lists are meaningless to me." So to put the rankings in perspective, I matched up the top 25 U.S. schools with a list of the most popular fast-food restaurants.

That means Harvard is McDonald's, while Stanford is Subway. And Cal is the BK of academia!

1. Harvard University = McDonald's
2. Stanford University = Subway
3. University of California, Berkeley = Burger King
4. Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) = Starbucks Coffee
5. California Institute of Technology = Wendy's
6. Columbia University = Taco Bell
7. Princeton University = Pizza Hut
8. University of Chicago = Dunkin' Donuts
9. Yale University = KFC
10. Cornell University = Sonic
11. University of California, Los Angeles = Arby's
12. University of California, San Diego = Jack In The Box
13. University of Pennsylvania = Domino's
14. University of Washington = Chick-fil-A
15. University of Wisconsin, Madison = Panera Bread
16. University of California, San Francisco = Dairy Queen
17. The Johns Hopkins University = Papa John's
18. University of Michigan, Ann Arbor = Hardee's
19. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign = Quizno's Subs
20. University of Minnesota, Twin Cities = Popeye's
21. Washington University in St. Louis = Carl's Jr.
22. Northwestern University = Chipotle
23. Duke University = Panda Express
24. New York University = Whataburger
25. Rockefeller University = Church's Chicken

I'll see if Cal can change its motto to: "Suscipio is vestri via" ("Have it your way").

Friday, November 13, 2009

Worst Nap Ever?

If you're trying to sleep, word to the wise: Do not put a 14-month-yearold anywhere near you.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Edited Improved for Television?

If my favorite edited-for-TV dialogue is "I want these monkey-fighting snakes off this Monday-to-Friday plane," I'd have to say my No. 2 choice is a classic line from "G.I. Jane."

I saw a heavily edited version of the movie on an airplane flight. After Demi Moore's character gets beat up while trying to become a Navy Seal, she tells off the chauvinistic master saying: "Suck my stick!"

Hard to see how this line would strike a blow for gender equity in the armed forces. I hope at least it was an herbal-tea cinnamon stick or perhaps a Stella Dora.

Sadly, the phrase hasn't taken off on the Internet, and there are no T-shirts available. So I had to design my own.

I came across a compilation of the "Worst Movie Edits for TV" on the site. (Neither of my favorites were on the list.)

From their list:
—In "Weird Science": "Candle wax on their nipples" becomes "candle wax on their pimples." (Nipples is a naughty word?)
—In "RoboCop": They say, "You're gonna be one bad mother cruncher."
—In "The Usual Supects": "You f---ing c---sucker" becomes “You fairy godmother.”
—In "The Big Lebowski": “This is what happens when you f--- a stranger in the a--” turns into “See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.”

That last line seems like it would necessitate a more extensive rewrite of the movie.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Guess This Settles It

I'm thrilled to see that the phrase "I want these monkey-fighting snakes off this Monday-to-Friday plane" has become a full-fledged phenomenon (as evidenced by its use on T-shirts).

But I guess this proves that my original interpretation of the line as "monkeyfied snakes" was false.

I stand by the premise that monkeyfied snakes would have made for a more interesting sequel.

Listen again if you like:

BuboBlog Infographic

Sometime over the weekend, "Elliot, No!" became the most frequently uttered phrase of my life. (I didn't expect it to climb the charts so fast.)

I can only hope we don't have another child, or "That's What She Said" will be bumped out of the Top 10 entirely.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Getting Down

I like that this photo makes it look like Elliot is an excellent dancer.

Actually, he's just in the process of falling down.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Say the Name, Say the Name

Remember when I applauded "I Love You, Man" for having a character say the name of the movie in the movie.

Well, here's a compilation of movies where that same thing occurs. ("I Love You, Man" is not included, sadly.)

UPDATE: It occurs to me that "Fissure" says the title too. Well, actually, I think a character says "fissures."

Since Sharon Stone says "basic instincts" in "Basic Instinct," I think that should count.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Bruise With Me, Baby

Elliot's teardrop is starting to heal, but he's scraped his face in two other places and has two or three separate bruises on his forehead.

Maybe he's going for Mikhail Gorbachev?

I'm getting tired of saying, "He fell. It wasn't our fault. Don't report us."

Can we just get a onesie with that written on it?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

We're Going to Magic Cabin, Charlie

A catalog from a company called "Magic Cabin" came in the mail the other day. And oddly enough, it was addressed to Elliot.

How did they find him? (So much for keeping a low profile after getting his teardrop tattoo.)

I'm a little disturbed by the name of the catalog, since I'm pretty sure an invitation to "Magic Cabin" is how most kidnappers lure children into their vans (at least the ones that don't use Candy Mountain).

It's fortunate that Elliot isn't literate — and still mainly evaluates reading material on the basis of mouthfeel — because most of Magic Cabin's wares are designed for people with much more living space and/or disposable income than us.

Where the hell are we supposed to put this home skating rink?

Or whatever the heck this is?

This toy has the added drawback of requiring Elliot to make a friend.

Monday, November 02, 2009

I Ain't Playin'

As is his wont, Elliot fell on his face the other day.

He scraped the area around his eye, creating the impression of a gang-style teardrop tattoo.

Now I'm hoping he can take advantage of this on the playground.

The kids probably won't take away his ball if they think he killed a man in prison!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Spotted in Oakland

From the birthplace of Hammertime...

Some additional punctuation may be needed, lest somebody think there's a grassroots movement AGAINST Hammertime.