Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thanks, Microsoft!

I've had my hopes dashed before by Nigerian gentlemen offering me money. But clearly this must be legitimate. I mean, it came from Microsoft.

Today I got a message saying that I had won "£750,000.00 {Seven Hundred And Fifty Thousand Great British Pounds}" in the Microsoft Lottery:
This promotion was set-up to encourage the active users of the Internet Microsoft Windows. Hence we do believe with your winning prize, you will continue to be active and patronage to the Microsoft Windows. We wish to formally announce to you that you have successfully passed the requirements, statutory obligations, verifications, validations and satisfactory report Test conducted for all on line winners.



It maybe seems odd that I would receive this note while using a Macintosh, but no matter. Would Mrs. Bryan McDonald, Microsoft Promotion Team, Vice President, lie to me? (Though someone should inform her that it's unprofessional to use her husband's name in business correspondence.)

At the bottom it says:
Note that this program is being sponsored by MICROSOFT/AOL INTERNET EXPLORER.


Holy crap, was there a merger I didn't hear about? I need to go call my office.

Elliot's First Costume Party


Elliot wore the cow outfit yesterday on his playdate, which was a dress-up affair.

I'm not sure he had the best costume, but he definitely rocked his the hardest. And fortunately, no one pointed out the gender confusion of a boy wearing a cow outfit. (Incidentally, the boy to the left is supposed to be a Dalmatian, not a Holstein like Elliot.)


By the way, this isn't the last you'll see of the cow costume. Like a tuxedo, he has to wear it at least three times for it to pay for itself.

Hold on, Kelly is reminding me that the cow outfit was a hand-me-down. In that case, it's pure profit from here on in!

Ho Ho Ho: Part 3

Remember those crazy faces hidden inside the packaging of broccoli?

Well, it turns out that putting hidden faces on labels is a longstanding tradition for Cascadian Farm, which also had faces on labels for grape jelly and other foods. Look, a baby face!


Sadly, according to this blog, the company has decided to discontinue the practice.

Sophisticated Gentlemen Wear Turtlenecks!



Tuesday, October 28, 2008

BuboBlog Regrets Its Errors

It's been suggested that I have developed a bit of a negative bias in my Elliot coverage.

To set the record straight, Elliot is not a tiresome, poor-dressing, vomit-prone, law-breaking militant with homicidal tendencies and a similarity to Trig Palin, Hannibal Lecter and/or a burrito.

He's actually the sweetest, most adorable baby in the whole world.


Sorry for the mixup!

We're Only Seventeen!

Some site called Campus Grotto released a list of the most expensive colleges.

Sarah Lawrence ranked first, with a total annual expense of $53,166. At No. 17, Haverford's cost is $48,625 a year.

1. Sarah Lawrence College $53,166
2. George Washington University $50,312
3. New York University $50,182
4. Georgetown University $49,689
5. Connecticut College $49,385
6. Bates College $49,350
7. Johns Hopkins University $49,278
8. Skidmore College $49,266
9. Scripps College $49,236
10. Middlebury College $49,210
11. Carnegie Mellon University $49,200
12. Boston College $49,020
13. Wesleyan University $49,000
14. Colgate University $48,900
15. Claremont McKenna College $48,755
16. Vassar College $48,675
17. Haverford College $48,625
18. University of Chicago $48,588
19. Union College (NY) $48,552
20. Colby College $48,520
21. Mount Holyoke College $48,500
22. Tufts University $48,470
23. Bard College at Simon's Rock $48,460
24. Franklin & Marshall College $48,450
25. Bard College $48,438

This is why we're sending Elliot to UC Barstow (which hopefully will open by 2026).

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Curious Omission

This week's Parade magazine had a story called "Five Reasons You May Be Tired."

I was excited that they decided to do an article aimed specifically at me. But when I sat down and read it, there was no mention of Elliot.

Sheesh, Parade magazine needs to do some better research!




Trick Question

In light of the fact that Obama may win the presidency, do you think the head of the NAACP is JEALOUS?

[Why would you say that? I'm sure he's thrilled that Obama may be elected president. -Ed.]

Even so, he's definitely JEALOUS, right?

[Maybe he has concerns about the relevance of his organization in a world where a black man can become president of the United States, but jealous? I wouldn't think so. -Ed.]

I'll bet you a million dollars that he's JEALOUS.

[OK, you're on. -Ed.]

Ha! You idiot. His name is Ben Jealous.

[Oh, crap. Well, you've just bankrupted BuboBlog Enterprises LLC. Good luck with your job search. -Ed.]

Maybe I can just take a percentage of ad revenue instead.

[Fine. -Ed.]

Elliot: Cinema Auteur

Like M. Night Shyamalan, Elliot likes to add a twist ending to all his films.

However, it's always the same twist ending: He throws up.

In this film, the producer wished to depict Elliot dancing. And yet, when the camera began rolling, Elliot had other ideas.

video

This movie was supposed to show Elliot trying to escape from a tight swaddle. Again, he took it in another direction creatively.

video

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Ho Ho Ho: Part 2

It's bad enough that they're selling a product called Green Giant Steamers.

Now we get a visual image of what the Green Giant's steamers might look like — after he's eaten some tiny people!

Check out the packaging for Cascadian Farms broccoli, posted on the Consumerist Web site.


If you look very closely at the broccoli, you can see little heads.


Seriously, what is up with this? This is definitely worse than finding tiny money in a KFC sandwich.

No Kidding About Those Spiders

Remember when we went to Australia and visited a wildlife exhibit:
They bragged nonstop about how Australia has the deadliest everything (deadliest spider, deadliest snake, deadliest platypus). Normally I insist on telling foreigners that the U.S.A. is No. 1, but I guess I'm okay with ranking low on these lists.

Well, I think this reinforces their claim about the spiders: In someone's backyard in Queensland, Australia, this spider (seen below) captured a bird in its net and ate it! Apparently the spider is called a Golden Orb Weaver and usually eats insects, but well, decided to be adventurous this week.

If I ever found this happening in my backyard, you would just see a dust outline of me and I would reappear in Antarctica.*




*Zero spiders there.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Darn It

Apparently some people consider it bad etiquette to use your infant to get candy on Halloween.


Well, there goes that plan!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Which One Is Elliot?

Can you spot him?

This is Elliot's playgroup — his first group of friends. Except they appear to be barely acknowledging his existence.

Hey, that sounds like my friends!

(Not counting anyone who's reading this blog — you're doing yeoman work, thank you.)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

'You Have to Lock It'

I wasn't sure it was possible, but I think this is an even funnier home-shopping-ladder-accident clip than the one I posted last month.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

BuboBlog Increases Its Vocabulary!

I came across a new term this week while reading the San Francisco Bay Guardian (one of the city's free weekly papers):
Mayor Gavin Newsom has made a high profile push for several new green initiatives in recent weeks, a concerted political move that comes just as he and his political team are aggressively working to subvert a city ballot measure that would make far bigger gains in combating climate change and greening the city's energy portfolio than anything he's proposing.

"San Franciscans should be ashamed that they have a mayor who is greenwashing and gay-washing his way to the governor's mansion," Julian Davis, campaign manager for Proposition H, the Clean Energy Act, told the Guardian.

I guess "greenwashing" means you pretend to be an environmentalist — I've heard that charge leveled against Newsom before.

But I had no idea he was also "gay-washing"!

If that's the case, please come to our neighborhood and wash some of our gays, because they desperately need it.

Seriously. Very dirty.

Finally, Elliot Can Start Earning His Keep!

From Reuters:
Boxer Soothes Fists With Son's Wet Diapers

BERLIN - Vitali Klitschko used his son's wet diapers to keep his fists from swelling up after winning his WBC heavyweight title bout against Nigeria's Samuel Peter, the Ukrainian told a German newspaper on Tuesday.

Klitschko said he wrapped them around his hands and it helped him recover.

"Baby wee is good because it's pure, doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell," the 37-year old boxer told Bild after he won back the WBC title on Saturday.

If only there were something else that fit that description and was good for reducing swelling. Oh wait, it's called "ice."

Nevertheless, perhaps I will try this the next time I come to fisticuffs. Or I'll just throw the used diapers at the other guy and run away.

Another Graffiti Wall

I came across this story of a wall in the U.K. that was actually built to have graffiti painted on it.

The trouble is, someone put graffiti on it before they were ready to dedicate the wall. So now they're going to paint over it.

From the Sun:
A blank wall built for teenage graffiti artists has been vandalised by an angry resident writing – "I paid my tax and all I got was this lousy wall."

The 6ft high by 30ft long wall was installed so youths could practice their graffiti artwork without using local property.

But ahead of its opening on October 31 the fed-up resident sneaked behind a security fence and daubed a protest about the use of taxpayer’s money.


At least he didn't tell Chong to f*** himself!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Graffiti Experiment: Another Update

You have to admire the guy who created a graffiti-permitted zone on his wall: He's sticking to his guns.

He painted over all of the graffiti outside this box, but kept all the graffiti inside the box.


There are also a couple additions to the box. Someone wrote, "Thank you" (maybe in response to painting over the rest of the graffiti). Another person advised someone named Chong to f*** themselves.


Not sure that elevated the discussion.

Bof!

I was reading today that Warner Bros. bought the film rights to a French graphic novel called "Du Plomb Dans la TĂȘte." The premise of the story was surprising. From the Slash Film blog:
The series tells the story of two killers, two cops, and a journalist. In a Bronx apartment, Jimmy and Louis, two hired killers, slaughter a senator and the prostitute. Perry and Carlisle, two New York City cops, investigate and find evidence that points to the killers. Things go wrong and both their partners are killed. The Hitman and Cop decide to form an alliance, and on their road to revenge they realize that the enemy isn’t the only thing they have in common.

Sounds good, but not very French.

Is this the legacy of gun control? The French now have to set their crime stories in the United States?

Overkill?

I also liked this one, again from the Criggo site.

Baby or Burrito?

I like to watch Jay Leno's "Headlines" segment, in which he finds humorous misprints and anecdotes in newspapers. I even submitted some material for the show, which must have been lost in the mail because it never appeared on the air.

Anyway, so I was excited to discover a site called Criggo that does a similar thing as Headlines — only, the material is funnier. This clipping above was one of the entries. (As we know from the picture below, it's easy to confuse a baby with a burrito!)

Your Government at Work

Yesterday I got to the office and couldn't find my lunch. I was afraid that someone had swiped it while I was on the bus.

It turns out I just forgot it, but it's good to know that San Francisco has a "chili abduction" alert system. Just in case.

Shoot...

Well, there goes my plan for a cross-country killing/eating spree.

Man who argued he was too fat to die is executed

LUCASVILLE, Ohio — Ohio has executed a 5-foot-7, 267-pound double murderer who argued his obesity made death by lethal injection inhumane.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Baby Wee Wee

Having experienced first-hand the joys of a baby trying to pee in your face, I'm glad they've found a way to commercialize it!

Actually, wait, no. This is INCREDIBLY DISTURBING.


What countries is this thing sold in — and how soon can we formally sever diplomatic relations?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Kelly as Palin 2008 Campaign

Tonight I had a stroke of genius: Kelly and Elliot should be Sarah Palin and Trig for Halloween!

After all, Kelly and Sarah Palin both have brown hair, they both have babies, and hello, they both wear GLASSES.

Sadly, Kelly seemed less excited about the idea.

Nick: "You should do it!"
Kelly: "Everyone is going to be Sarah Palin for Halloween."
Nick: "Yeah, but how many people are going to have a living prop?"
Kelly: "I'm not dressing up Elliot as a down-syndrome baby."

What, like it would be such a big difference? It's not like he's solving Lagrangian formulas or anything. (As I type this, he's lying next to me flailing his arms and spitting up on our microfiber couch.)

Anyway, so Kelly may need some convincing.

Could You Clarify?

I saw this rave flier posted on our street.

I'm confused: Is "minimal techno" a type of techno? Or do they mean they'll play the absolute minimum amount of techno allowed by law.

Because I would prefer if it's the second thing.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Odd...

Dear Walgreens,

Did someone in the purchasing department make a disastrously incorrect prediction?

I ask because your stores are packed with talking Hillary Clinton and John McCain dolls, and yet no Obama dolls. The same goes with the Halloween masks. (There also aren't any Sarah Palin masks, which I imagine would be hot sellers, but I can understand not having much advance warning on that one.)

This is like the opposite of Gwen Ifill's book. The man favored to be the next president of the United States is totally unrepresented in your talking novelty products. For shame!

Regards,
BuboBlog Enterprises Ltd.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

All Elliot All The Time: Month One

Believe it or not, Elliot was born a month ago yesterday. Kelly commemorated the occasion with a new photo album.

This picture is called "Secrets":

Ho Ho Ho

Is anyone else concerned about this new product called Green Giant Steamers?

Let's just say if I came across a Green Giant steamer (in a valley or elsewhere), I would run the other direction. Imagine the odor!

Don't Be a Fool

I was reading in Parade magazine about how Orlando Bloom is doing a new movie on the Siege of Sarajevo. The title? "Fools Rush In."

Wait, don't most of us still associate this title with the romantic comedy with Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek? I know I do. Now they're going to use it for a film depicting the brutal deaths of 12,000 people? [The Matthew Perry film only made people *want* to kill themselves. -ed.]

What's next...a Robert Mugabe biopic called "Soul Man"?

A film about accidental bombings of civilian gatherings in Afghanistan named "Wedding Crashers"?

A film about the Trail of Tears forced relocation of the Native Americans titled "Road Trip"?

A movie about the buildup to the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin called "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"?

Saturday, October 04, 2008

How to Feed a Baby While Operating the Remote Control


No one forward this to Child Protective Services.

Well, Thanks For Clearing That Up!

I like that Elliot's wardrobe isn't afraid to state the obvious. He has several outfits that explain what he is exactly.



I guess at least "baby boy" addresses the question of his gender. This one is less helpful.



I tried to find shirts like this for myself, but there weren't any that said, "Paunchy 35-year-old male with no sense of direction."

I also admire Elliot's ability to rock the bib-with-no-shirt look. I tried this myself at the office once, with disastrous consequences!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Best Mugshot Ever

This woman was allegedly wearing a cow costume while chasing kids, blocking traffic and urinating on the porch of her neighbor. What, is that illegal now?

The best part: She showed up to her sentencing still wearing her costume! This tops my previous favorite mugshot by far.

The second-best part: Elliot has this same outfit! (Sadly, I think it's for six-month-olds, so he can't wear it for a while.)