Wednesday, August 22, 2007

More Musings on New York

1. For a city with so many pedestrians, New York really needs countdown crosswalk signals. It's funny how accustomed I've grown to the ones in California. To not have them feels uncivilized. Maybe the mayor can focus on this after he's done attacking transfat.

2. The price of a movie in Manhattan is $11, versus $10.50 in San Francisco. Outrageous!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Leona Helmsley + Parkmerced

I've been hoping amid all these Leona Helmsley obits that someone would mention that she owned Parkmerced (my old apartment complex).

Thank you to SFist for finally coming through! (and to BuboBlog Enterprises consultant Anh-Minh for pointing it out to me.)

The Price of M&Ms in New York

I'm in New York again, this time for work.

They have me at the Recency Hotel on Park Avenue, which is pretty swanky. To wit, there's a television in the bathroom.

I also discovered a container of M&Ms in the "courtesy" bar. If I break the seal on these puppies, it will cost me — I kid you not — $29.

Beard Fever Ends

Well, I shaved my beard. I guess I wanted to get out while the getting was good.

Now I can usher in...Non-Beard Fever!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Beard Fever...Catch It!

I'm not sure if anyone still watches "The Bachelor," but the latest bachelor is sporting a beard. They even call him the "McSteamy" bachelor. (I won't point out that he doesn't even have the classic McSteamy beard.)

At least it's good to know that the ideal man is bearded and 34. Hells yeah.*

(*Apparently it's not cool to say "hells yeah" anymore, but I feel like I never got to use it on the blog, so this will be my first and last time.)

I Walk the Dinosaur

Say, have you tried this new Walk Score feature? You can plug in any address and it tells you how "walkable" the neighborhood is (like how many restaurants, bars, schools, etc. are within walking distance). It provides hours of fun (well, at least minutes of fun).

I plugged in my home address and got a score of 91 out of 100. Not too shabby. That means it's a "Walkers' Paradise: Most errands can be accomplished on foot and many people get by without owning a car."

I plugged in my work address (345 California) and it rated 98! But I'm not sure that score should apply after dark, since a lot of places close early in the financial district.

My parents' house in Santa Cruz gets an 80: "Very Walkable: It's possible to get by without owning a car."

My old address in Parkmerced gets a lowly 46: "Not Walkable: Only a few destinations are within easy walking range. For most errands, driving or public transportation is a must."

Finally, I tried plugging in the address from when I lived in the woods of Whately, Mass. Its Walk Score? Zero!! "Driving Only: Virtually no neighborhood destinations within walking range. You can walk from your house to your car!"

Ah, snap!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


Now I feel guilty for criticizing New York's weather. Apparently a tornado hit Brooklyn today.

Oh no...wait, oh, okay

Kelly is working late tonight, so I'm home all alone. All of a sudden, one of our neighbors starts shouting. And then I hear what I think are gunshots outside. Eeek!

After spending some time under the bed, I realize the "gunshots" are fireworks emanating from the baseball park and that the neighbors were watching the game on TV. I think it's safe to assume Barry Bonds just broke the home-run record.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

An exchange between Harry and Hermione on page 348-349 of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" — with the word "penis" replacing the word "wand"

He sat up and threw back the covers.

"Harry, no, I'm sure you ought to rest!"

"You're the one who needs sleep. No offense, but you look terrible. I'm fine. I'll keep watch for a while. Where's my penis?"

She did not answer, she merely looked at him.

"Where's my penis, Hermione?"

She was biting her lip, and tears swam in her eyes.


"Where's my penis?"

She reached down beside the bed and held it out to him.

The penis was nearly severed in two. One fragile strand kept both pieces hanging together. The wood had splintered apart completely. Harry took it into his hands as though it was a living thing that had suffered a terrible injury. He could not think properly: Everything was a blur of panic and fear. Then he held out the penis to Hermione.

"Mend it. Please."

"Harry, I don't think, when it's broken like this—"

"Please, Hermione, try!"


The dangling half of the penis resealed itself. Harry held it up.


The penis sparked feebly, then went out. Harry pointed it at Hermione.


The feeble attempt at magic was too much for Harry's penis, which split into two again. He stared at it, aghast, unable to take in what he was seeing...the penis that had survived so much...

"Harry," Hermione whispered so quietly he could hardly hear her. "I'm sorry. I think it was me. As we were leaving, you know, the snake was coming for us, and so I cast a Blasting Curse, and it rebounded everywhere, and it must have — must have hit —"

"It was an accident," said Harry mechanically. He felt empty, stunned. "We'll — we'll find a way to repair it."

"Harry, I don't think we're going to be able to," said Hermione, the tears trickling down her face. "Remember...remember Ron? When he broke his penis, crashing the car? It was never the same again."


Sorry I haven't been blogging lately — we just returned from a trip to New York to see my brother. Let me tell you: It is good to be back in the fog. We had a great time in Brooklyn and saw lots of cool stuff, but — damn — New York weather in August is ghastly. It was like one giant greenhouse.

As always, I was a trooper about it and didn't complain (much). But Kelly's iPhone would taunt us every day with its live weather info. One day (when it was 90-something in NYC, with, like, 200% humidity), the iPhone claimed San Francisco had a high of 58 degrees. That can't have been right, can it?

I find it's harder and harder to deal with that kind of weather as I get older. Maybe living on the East Coast is just a young man's game.