Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Hmmm...

Here's a headline that makes you think the story will be entirely different: "Baby Bullet Wins Tranny Award."

Noooooo

Geez. I leave the U.S. for a short time and return to find that one of our country's most crucial institutions is under attack: Subway is phasing out its Sub Club rewards program!!

As a Sub Club member for at least nine years, this is devastating news. I guess now I'll have to focus on my Quizno's Q-Club membership (though does anyone else think the Q-Club sounds a little gay?).

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Off Until May 31


I'll be in France/Italy until late May (and then at my Haverford reunion), so no blogging for a while. The world will somehow have to keep turning.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Getting The Finger

It's nice that we finally know where the Wendy's finger came from. But I'm trying to imagine the conversation between Jaime Plascencia (the husband of the chili scammer Anna Ayala) and the friend who lent him the finger:

Man: Dude, I'm really bummed.
Plascencia: What's wrong?
Man: My finger got cut off at work today.
Plascencia: Serious??
Man: Yeah.
Plascencia: Oh man. That sucks.
Man: There was blood everywhere -- it was really terrible.
Plascencia: Wow, I can't even imagine.
Man: Yeah, I'm really upset about it.
Plascencia: Well, I'm here for you, man. Believe that.
Man: Thanks. I appreciate it.
Plascencia: Uh...say, did you keep the finger?

Thursday, May 12, 2005

And so it begins...

Savannah cats -- created by crossbreeding wild African servals with domesticated cats -- are apparently getting popular in New York and elsewhere.

Can the chuman be far behind?

Kooky Scheme Update

The latest in my series on kooky schemes gone wrong (or KSGWs): the gay high school student in Marin who was the victim of anti-gay graffiti and vandalism — then admitted that she had done the crimes herself to get attention.

At least she went all out. I would have just vandalized my locker (hey, school property, who cares), but she defaced her car as well. That's dedication!

As Promised

I did say I would post Whizzinator stories on the blog, so here's the latest.

I didn't realize that the kit came with dehydrated urine (I guess you have to add the water yourself). I'm kind of curious what dehydrated urine looks like? Something like this possibly?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Aha!

I've long suspected that the turn signals didn't work on large SUVs. Now I have proof!

That Sounds Hard

There's a sad story in the New York Times today about African tribal traditions that require widows to have sex with a member of their dead husband's family (apparently this practice is contributing to HIV-infection rates).

Activists are trying to replace this tradition with something safer. But some of their proposals sound quite challenging:

Ms. Nsofu (an African nurse) said she suggested to tribal leaders that sexual cleansing most likely sprang not from fears about the vengeance of spirits, but from the lust of men who coveted their relatives' wives. She proposes substituting other rituals to protect against dead spirits, like chanting and jumping back and forth over the grave or over a cow.


Or a cow. Sure why not.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Where's San Francisco?

The British magazine "Restaurant" just released its list of the 50 best restaurants in the world. At the top of the list was a place in Bray, England, called "The Fat Duck." I guess I can no longer claim the Brits have terrible food -- just food I can't afford.

Anyway, the top U.S. restaurant (at No. 3 overall) was the French Laundry in Yountville. The next Bay Area place was Chez Panisse in Berkeley at No. 13. In fact, all the U.S. restaurants -- aside from one in Chicago (Charlie Trotter) -- were either in New York or the Bay Area. However, not a one was in San Francisco proper. No La Folie, no Fleur de Lys, no Gary Danko, etc. We've been snubbed!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Take That, San Diego

Nice! It looks like San Francisco will be home to the new California stem cell institute. In fact, it's going to be located across the street from our current apartment — in the same complex as the new Safeway.

That almost makes me sad that we're moving away from the neighborhood. Imagine being able to go to one place for all your grocery and stem cell needs. [What is the garbage area going to look like for that building? Produce, doughnuts, placentas, fetuses...dumpster divers are in for a nasty surprise. -ed.]

Monday, May 02, 2005

BuboBlog News Analysis

If there's one thing I love about Americans, it's that they're always cooking up kooky schemes. But does it seem like there's been a marked rise lately in the number of kooky schemes that have backfired?

Consider the following news items from the past month:

1. The woman at the Wendy's in San Jose (pictured) who put a severed finger in her chili so that she could sue the company. She then bragged about her scam to at least two people (smart!) and got arrested.
2. The two roofers in Massachusetts who claimed they found a bunch of old bank notes and bills in their backyard. They were so excited by the media attention that they told their story over and over again — changing the story slightly each time (and even had their picture taken lighting cigars with dollar bills!). Of course, the money turned out to be stolen and they were soon arrested.
3. The would-be bride in Georgia that got cold feet and ran off to New Mexico. Initially at least, she claimed she'd been kidnapped and released. Later she admitted the truth. At first this all seemed like a spur-of-the-moment thing, but now it sounds like she may have been planning it for at least a few days. And now the mayor of Duluth, Ga., where she lives, wants to sue her for the $100,000 it cost to look for her.
4. The black college student in Illinois who sent threatening letters to other black students because she wanted her parents to let her leave school. She's been charged with disorderly conduct and a hate crime, which could carry up to five years' jail time.

It seems like there is a lesson here: Maybe before embarking on a kooky scheme, people should ask themselves if it's likely to receive a lot of publicity. And if so, will people soon find out that the schemer is full of crap?

For instance, if you steal some old bank notes, why not just quietly sell them on eBay — rather than say, I don't know, HAVING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN LIGHTING CIGARS WITH DOLLAR BILLS! Or with the Wendy's woman, instead of a finger, how about a dead mouse? That's worked before and seems a little less crazy than a finger. After all, people tend to remember when they lose a finger.

But really, who am I to criticize these bold, innovative souls? Carry on, kooky schemers...you make this country great!

No Trip to the 'Candy Shop'

I was recently engaged in a debate as to whether it was "appropriate" to play 50 Cent's "Candy Shop" at a wedding. I personally felt that 50's innuendos were sufficiently veiled to pass muster:
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go ahead girl, don't you stop
Keep going til you hit the spot, whoaa

Others (namely, Kelly) disagreed. Anyway, so I was interested to see that Boston-area schools are struggling with this same issue now that it's prom season. Apparently they have banned "Candy Shop" and other songs such as "Get Low," which features the lyric:
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all you bitches crawl (crawl)
To all skee skee motherf---er (motherf---er!) all skee skee got dam (Got dam)
To all skee skee motherf---er (motherf---er!) all skee skee got dam (Got dam)

Um, ok. That one might be inappropriate.

All's Well...

So the ordeal is officially over. We took possession of our new home Saturday morning after a walk-through inspection with our tenants. Fortunately it doesn't appear that they trashed the place or wrote any disparaging things in blood on the walls.

We won't move in until the weekend, so the place is empty and unoccupied this week. Seems a shame to waste this opportunity. Perhaps we should host a rave before we move in? (I also considered asking the hookers on 6th street if they needed a place to take their johns, but Kelly advised against it.)